John Barrowman's Great Big Sparkly Fun Night Out
Dear Blog,
Firstly, it's not you, it's me. I obviously blogged too much last month and got whatever the blogging equivalent is of groin strain or shin splints. I needed some time away but now I'm back and ready to try again. If you'll have me, that is. I'm sorry and it won't happen again. (It will.)
Anyway, at the weekend I met up with a bunch of bloggers - some of whom drunk-blogged later on. Hurrah! In the basement of a twee indie disco, fuelled by pizza and complimentary limoncello ("it tastes like Jif!" "Yeah, but it's free!") we came up with A Marvellous Plan. Kate and I were busily mourning the alleged demise of London Loves and wondering where we could take our dancing shoes in future, when we realised: we need to start our own club. In a fit of creativity, we immediately noted down some salient points on the back of a flyer:
It is an odd mix of feyness ("someone to hand out hats and kittens," "LOTS of glitter!"), ruthlessness ("no irony, no haircuts, no skinny jeans/floaty skirts/boho") 1950s proms ("dance-offs!) and the surreal ("John Barrowman", double-underlined). The last point is worth elaborating on. In the shabby BBC Saturday night musical reality shows that search for an average Joe/Jane to play Maria from The Sound of Music or Nancy from Oliver, John Barrowman pads around a classroom filled with 20 or so finalists like a panther on heat. As they sob and sing their little hearts out, he places his paw on the shoulder of those who have to step aside because they are O-U-T. We plan to re-enact this in the club, with John removing people from the dancefloor as he sees fit. We might write to him now so he can pencil it into his diary and see if Denise Van Outen is free to come as his plus one.
So, now all we need is a name (erm, an a venue and some flyers and punters and - well, yes). Suggestions so far include:
- Champagne In The Membrane (vetoed because eww, membranes? Ick!)
- John Barrowman's Great Big Sparkly Fun Night Out (perhaps a little niche?)
- Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion (bit of a mouthful).
All suggestions will be ungratefully received.
Comments
Glitter Bugs? (1950's proms ...)
Black Velvet Daze? (cf champagne and guinness ...)
I was going to suggest 'Barrow Boys [and Girls]' but thought better of it.
ElectricSuperSex is clearly your new club name.
You can't invite goths and ban skinny jeans though, surely that's mutually exclusive?
Oh, and get Ally Meteor in to DJ, she's ace, and will play the Pet Shop Boys and everything.
I got all excited when I saw you were banning Bono. No-one can take the fizz out of club night like a self-righteous Irish dwarf in black denim. But I see from your transcription that it is "boho" that you are banning. Please consider putting the sunglass wearing tosser on the "no fly" list.
I immeditely thougt of the KitCat or KitKat club because of its pleasing historical associations but I see that others have had the same idea and having visited some of the websites I must now pour bleach into my computer.
Why don't you just call it 'Working Toilets for Everyone!'.
I'm sure that would work.
We will have a fairly arbitrary dress code and anyone not fitting our whimsical rulings will be stamped with the BARRED stamp.
Consider Boneo BARRED.
Other than that, I of course approve.
And London Loves isn't dead, we're just resting. Falling asleep in front of the tv, that sort of thing. As soon as the new Alzheimer's drugs kick in, we'll be back.
Malders - I remember that! Although he once let me in wearing a nylon nightie and electric blue pvc trousers, so shows what he knew. I'm now picturing London Loves standing in its bedroom going 'What did I come in here for?'.
Z&B - I would be delighted beyond measure if Father Fit showed up.
Fey Plastic Twees
Debauchwood
Silly-Stringfellows
Cat Glitter
Punk Drinking Festival
The New New Monkey
Fox and Kate's Club?
"Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion"
If you choose this name, I will be officially envious and bitter. I live 3,000 miles away; the only clubs we have are expensive, trendy bars mind-controlled by skinny people in their 20's.
I'm trying to separate the different handwritings. It looks like the same person who wrote 'dressing up is encouraged' also wrote '+ champagne'. Is this true? If it is, I need to marry that person.
Free Kittens, then.
[this is brilliant] You have to throw sparkle motion in there, for definite. I said that line in the office one day and everyone had a chuckle but, when I probed further, it turned out that not. one. of. them. had. seen. the. movie. This prompted me to think... "do you laugh at my jokes because (a) you just assume they're funny or (b) you're scared of me on some dark and deep level?"
This is, of course, beside the point.
I would fly back to come to the grand opening of this club, on one condition. Collar up shirt wearers will be squarely kicked in the pants (sorry, trousers - front or back but preferably both) and sent packing.
I particularly love the balance of fairy lights (yay!) and dark corners for naughtiness (double yay!).
PS. If you don't go for the sparkle motion name, Few Plastic Twees is utterly magnificent.
PPS. I applaud your effective and appropriate use of ! after Manifesto!!
Hello everyone! Look, I forgot about my blog AGAIN. There are some truly excellent suggestions here. You are all super smart.
Aubrey: it was actually Kate and I who wrote those things, but you can marry us both if you like. We're easy like that.
Also, Bono is banned.
SubStation: don't worry about it, I'm planning my own club just so I can resume my living in the eighties (as Killing Joke might have said)
Cha0tic: cupcakes and biscuits shaped liked poodles.
*My sis
Too right! We'll be supplying Take-A-Breaks for that very purpose.
Malders: eee! Hurrah!
Any other ridiculous suggestions welcome!