1 post tagged “kilroy”

As a baby, I was terrified of men. I screamed if any man other than my dad came near me. As I got older, I became more discerning: I was only afraid of Johnny Ball. My mum would whisk me away from the telly if he was presenting Play School to prevent an hour-long crying jag. Older still, and my fear transferred to Kenny Everett. I have no explanation for this terror, unless celebrities were inappropriately touching me when I was still in nappies.

…

Whenever Kilroy hosted an early morning debate on “My Child Is One Of Them Homosexuals” (a topic he had on strict rotation with “Gypsies Gave Me Cancer” ), my mum would make a point of watching it with me. “It’s a shame some children don’t feel they can tell their parents they’re gay, isn’t it?” she’d say, fixing me with a meaningful look. I would mumble agreement and suddenly have a pressing need to make toast.

…

My parents would have loved for me to come out. They could have asserted their liberal credentials by being supportive and organising a multi-racial civil ceremony. My enduring heterosexuality confuses them.

…

And then –

… …… ..

but

I did

not

have

the words

…

I fell in love with a girl in sixth form. Everyone did. She stopped talking to me overnight. I cut my arms with compasses. This did not win her back.

…

My best friend came out to me. She was crazily nervous. I laughed and told her that was brilliant. We don’t hug so when she left she shook my hand. My life tended to parallel hers, with events of her life cropping up several months later in mine. I waited. Nothing.

…

I did not kiss a boy til I was 19. It was horrible. I persevered. It got better.